Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?