Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster