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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.