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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
gua suka sama kamu