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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal