Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.