Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.