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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.