Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster