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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.