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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.