Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...