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I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Do bees even have knees?
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.