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Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know