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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
?-- that guy is cute ?
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
When in doubt, take a nap.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.