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I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.