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I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
No one has ever been in an empty room.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.