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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"