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Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.