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Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
I always advise people never to give advice.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.