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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.