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Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....