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My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
lol I rotfl
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.