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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.