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I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.