Daily Silly Status

So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.

You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.

I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.

The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.

Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.

I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.

If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!

Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?

I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."

Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!

Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.

So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.

If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.

is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.