Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.