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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
I need more people like me in my life
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.