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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
Question everything...Or should you?
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone