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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.