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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?