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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Word for the day is asstard
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"