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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.