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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?