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I cant remember the last time i forgot something
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b