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I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
I’m late for a disappointment.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.