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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop