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Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep