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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.