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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.