Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.