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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.