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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.