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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Diet plan: make friends fatter
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?