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I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.