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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!