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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.