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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"