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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.