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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.