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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
2 words, 1 finger.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Some of my best memories are naps.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.