Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....