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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.