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I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
My pants are 75% off.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.