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I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink