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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.