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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I drink coffee for your protection.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.