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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car
Smelling another person should be a choice.