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When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.