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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
You look like I need another drink
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!