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The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.