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Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.