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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.