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If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative