Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?