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Does this status update make me look fat?
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
take me drunk i`m home
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.