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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!