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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.