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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."