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Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.