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Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.